Monday, September 26, 2011

Time Treads Slow When Hearts Beat Fast

Oh, how coffee makes my heart thump like a ticking time bomb. I do without it on languid vacation days, but reality shocks me back into the cycle. Sleep is elusive and so are my racing thoughts--they travel too fast for me to pen in, to organize into rank and file.

I am juggling so many things at once. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just... dropped everything superfluous. J.K. Rowling once gave this magnificent commencement speech to Harvard (I can't remember which class; can't be bothered to google) about failure, and how it frees you. In failure, you find yourself. I always wonder, "What if... ?" Would I run free like the gypsies in some distant country? Would I work at Jiffy Lube and get my hands dirty with the austerity of the working-class? When successful people see me, would they see a loser? But maybe... I would see them the same way, would pity their plight, the eternal pursuit of a material happiness that keeps us wanting for an absolution that is always delayed, always next time.

Here's something I realize every time I am overwhelmed with the weight of the everyday... Memento mori. In fact, I wake up from 20 minute power naps knowing it, carrying it heavy in my heart. It's a reminder that I have to literally shake off in order to feel normal again. This is why I don't take naps anymore.

Anyways, if there's one thing I like more than interesting names (Sloane), it's interesting patterns. 


Love and Coffee,

Jenn

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