Thursday, September 15, 2011

Out of The Blue

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and have yet to form a conclusion about their implications. A lot of seemingly unrelated troubles have come up to haunt me: health, academic, emotional. But all of it has only really led me to question the nature of bravery.

For the last nine years of my life, I have felt like I needed to depend on someone to bring me happiness. However, such things are often out of one's control, and thus things were never what I considered "perfect." But that's OK. This summer, however, I came to the realization that I will be fine on my own, that I have worth in and of myself, and need nobody else to justify my own existence or talent. Of course, Summer was spent in the idyllic little bubble of my hometown, happily working for a bit of pocket money. Didn't really have to think, you see. Nevertheless, the paradigm shifted... I felt that I was doing the least shameful thing I could do for myself: shucking off the husks of emotional baggage, depending on myself and looking forward to a future that involved only myself (and family). No false hopes, no tepid expectations.

Last night, however, I had my worldview shaken (just a tremor) by a few friends who essentially told me that putting myself out there, despite the consequences, is the best thing I can do--in fact, it is what I must do. Otherwise, I wouldn't be doing justice to the truth or my own wants. Thinking about it, that requires a certain sort of gall, a strength that will outlast countless rejections with ever-new spirit. It's something I used to have. But so does being strong enough to stand on one's own, I think, without relying on relationships with others to define one's own happiness. So that leads me to question, what does it mean to be brave? Is it risking the worst, putting yourself out there and possibly getting burnt, insulted, shamed? Or is bravery the ability to do without the crutches that society creates for us, to carry on without hesitation, to know yourself?

Let me know what you think.

I know this is strangely heavy for a street style blog, but I hope that readers can relate. In case not, I have a lovely street style post for you today. Kelly's skirt was so bohemian and gorgeous, intricate and complex.  I may have also discovered the "Vibrance" adjustment layer feature in Photoshop. Yay, colors!

Love,

Jenn

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